I wanted to believe in a loving God;
However, church was too much a place of guilt:
The liturgy performed with a taste as stale
As communion bread showed me only that
To love God was to be bored
And to practice rituals without feeling.
This made me question what I was doing wrong.
Communion was always my favorite part;
I was able to eat and drink wine, which involved
Sensation. Do not be surprised that when I was taught
A Faith that I could feel – a Faith where every
Song and Dance and Poem meant so much more,
More than just a happy feeling with no meaning –
I grasped this faith and wrestled with it, making
It my own. In the center I found the Trinity. In this Trinity
There was Christ. He was also once in the World,
And by His presence He showed me that every
Beautiful thing is an act of worship. This was
Freeing. To know that there was indeed a God whom
I could worship with the senses, outside the doors which held
My soul captive, demanding I worship a God I
Did not know. I found a God of Love, whose Love
Was ever present in every good thing, all of which
Declare His Love.
After waiting in the walls of this church so long, asking
Why God would have me here, perhaps I just now understand.
For He has taught me to write poems in these hours in church,
And taught me to know Him in the world,
Which is my church.
To love another person is to see the face of God.
By these dark hours, He has taught me to love.